Monday, January 4, 2010

New Years Thoughts

Happy New Year all my little blog readers. Here’s to your enjoyment of my final blog posts as I’m determined to be out of the c-store and on to bigger things in VERY short order. Never fear though, there is plenty of c-store goodness to share before that day comes and I'll always find a way to share my random observations on people with you.

A VERY happy New Year: On the whole, New Year’s eve was amazingly quite and event free. I will say, that there was more safe sex had in JoCo over the last week than at any point in my time at the c-store. We stock five different types of condoms and keep five packs of each on hand. As of last night, we have one package of XXL condoms left on the shelf…they were fully stocked on Christmas Eve.

My most memorable condom buyer was a guy that came in on the Sunday after Christmas. He was probably in his early to mid-50’s and a reasonably attractive guy. He came in about 7:30 and bought three packs of condoms and something to drink. I guess the look on my face made him want to explain. So here is what I got:

I’m heading out of town in the morning for a few weeks and my girlfriend is coming over tonight.

Now, I’m sure that was the truth, but three packs? I just wonder how many little blue pills were needed to use those 9 condoms.

An Odiferous New Year: I understand that people can smell. We are right across the parking lot from a gym and we have a lot of folks run in for a water or something when they are done with their workout. Some have the “i just sweated a lot” smell and I can understand that. But there are some situations that need to be stopped. Last night, the theme was smelling like they had pooped themselves. I had two men who literally made me gag.

One was a guy that was in our bathroom for nearly 20 minutes and then came out smelling like he wiped with his hand. It was so bad that I used air freshener where he could see me AND doubled-up on the hand sanitizer. Another was a city worker that was driving a snow plow. He smelled like he had worn the clothes he was in for DAYS and just worn a depends so that he wouldn’t have to stop plowing.

Top this with a conversation that I had to have with Backwoods who is truly the smelly kid at work. A very, very smelly start to the new year in c-store land.

The Day After: So, most of us are familiar with the walk of shame. However, what I saw on New Year’s day was a completely different take on that concept. What I saw that afternoon was what I’m going to dub the “walk of pain.” I saw a ton of people in the remnants of the hair and makeup finery of the New Year’s Eve celebration, with the most hideous outfits. These people looked as if they were in so much physical pain, that shoes with hard soles would crumble their world. The kind of hangovers that make you look in the mirror and go “fuzzy house slippers, plaid pajama pants, a sequined shirt and a giant ink stamp from the bar that transferred to my forehead…I look okay to go out in public.” I’ve been there – I distinctly remember walking to Jack Griffiths in leggings, a Carhart and fur knee boots/slippers because real shoes and the sound of starting the car was TOO much -- and I know a lot of you have been there as well…someone reading this may have even made that walk with me. It’s just fun to be the sober observer of this hung-over pain.

New updates on Backwoods soon.

Have a great, prosperous and happy New Year.


  1. You are a great writer of humor. If you discontinue this blog PLEASE post the name of your new one.

  2. I just spit water everywhere as I was reading because I am not sure that I ever walked with you but I distinctly remember me walking to the corner of Jardot and 6th from my trailer. LOL