So we had a little gas issue at the old c-store last week that caused much commotion. Evidently a sensor went out that caused the premium grades of gas to not pump. This was the case for three days while our maintenance people burrowed through the snow and frigid temps to get it fixed. The unfortunate thing is that the sign that was created for the pumps wasn’t as clear as it could be. The sign read:
Unleaded fuel only at this time. Sorry for the inconvenience. Management.
Now, this caused a great deal of confusion. I was asked if this meant they couldn’t use diesel (which we don’t have). I was asked aren’t they all unleaded (yes they are.) But there were a few that really stuck out in my mind.
One lady came in and said she’s using the unleaded and it wasn’t working. I asked her what grade she was using and she said unleaded, 89. I told her that was our mid-grade premium and that it wasn’t working. She needed to use the regular grade, 87. She then told me, very upset, that her car couldn’t run on regular gas and HAD to have unleaded. I reassured her that our “regular” grade was an unleaded grade. She then asked me, where to people go who have cars that need to run on “regular” gas. This caused her to make the worst possible face and walk out…you could tell that there was a great deal of confusion at this discussion.
But there was one girl who took the cake. Now, I want to do a little exercise before I relate this conversation. I need to paint a visual and audio picture for you. She was an attractive girl, probably about 20 or 21, and was the total stereotype of the KU sorority girl. Now, I have some good friends that were actually sorority girls and even one that was at KU (hi Roundball’s mom). But what I’m talking about is a stereotype come to life.
This girl was fully outfitted in the Victoria’s Secret KU wear, overly processed blonde hair pulled into ponytail that you know took a long time to look that casual, brand new uggs and obnoxiously big Chanel earrings. Got the visual? Good. Now the audio.
I want you to think about how you sound when you are very, very tired. You talk kind of slow and you don’t enunciate as well as you can right? Now I want you to think about how someone sounds when they have their jaw wired shut. Got it?
Now combine the two. In fact, practice that little voice right now. Oh, and don’t move your lips. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
Got it? Good.
So little miss sorority shuffles in and the exchange goes like this:
Sorority: I need some gas.
Sorority: I need some gas!
Me: Okay…what car?
Sorority: The white one (she then throws $10 on the counter and shuffles out the door).
I put the gas on the pump and a few minutes pass as I pull up the pump and notice that she’s trying to pump the premium gas. I then see her coming back to the store…
Sorority: mumble, mumble, mumble.
Me: Hun, you’re going to have to speak up, I can’t hear you.
Sorority: mumble, it’s not working…
Me: That’s because you were using a premium grade and only our regular unleaded is working, did you see the sign on the pump?
Sorority: mumble, mumble…
Sorority: (slightly louder) I thought that meant you couldn’t use the diesel.
Me: We don’t carry diesel.
Sorority: I know, I thought that made the sign weird.
Me: (laughing) I can reset the pump for you so that you can pump the 87 grade.
Sorority: mumble, can’t…
Me: I’m sorry, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying. What?
Sorority: I can’t
Me: You can’t what?
Sorority: (very irritated at this point) I can’t pump that gas.
Sorority: Because I mumble, mumble, mumble
Me: One more time…
Sorority: Because I drive a Mercedes! (pointing very animatedly the car)
Sorority: It will ruin the car.
Me: Well, there isn’t much I can do for you then but give you your money back.
Sorority: (stomping her foot and clenching her fist) But I need gas NOW (in fact she reminded me of the purple girl on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory…)
Me: Well, I can’t help you. Would you like your money back…
Sorority: (making a disgusted sound) No, it’s only $10.
She then stomped out of the store as she pulled out her bejeweled red and blue Iphone. I couldn’t hold in the laughter. I don’t know if she got to a location to get gas, but she brought a LOT of laughter into my night.