Thursday, October 8, 2009

C-Store Logic

Working by myself does not yield as many great stories at it used to. With the departure of the more colorful characters, some of our more interesting characters have also faded away. For example our Swisher Sweet business has all but dried up. Gone are the days of group bathroom parties and parking lot drug deals, but that doesn't mean that common sense has become rooted at the c-store. Nope, people are still stupid and I, as a clerk, still bare the brunt of their stupidity.

Gas Girl
I had a girl come in this week who prepaid for gas. Simple right? Never! Five dollars into her $25 purchase, she comes in and tells me that her pump just shut off. Now, we have had some serious pump issues in the past few weeks so this isn't uncommon. So I asked her if she tried to squeeze the handle to see if it would continue pumping. Her response "can I do that?" Yes dear, you can. And her answer (all joking aside) "it won't blow up or anything will it?" What the hell? Have you ever pumped gas before? Stop watching TV shows and pump the freaking gas.

Smelly People
Really folks, bathe. We had a woman come in last night that had such an odor about her that I had to break out the air freshener. Twice. I understand if you're around your house and cleaning and haven't showered yet. I even understand someone who is working and runs in to buy a drink or some smokes and has a bit of BO. But this woman. She was dressed in a nice outfit and had her work badge on. She went to work with the smell of a thousand armpits about her. I've been in barn stalls that smelled better than this lady. Buy a wash rag and some Dial. Really.

You are in Public
Now, I know that you're "just running up to the store" but please don't forget that you are in public. I don't care how cute you are, white thermal underwear pants and a tank top are not appropriate for public wearing without something over them. Neither are pajamas, house shoes or anything that you wouldn't wear out to a "real store." I work here people. Please, don't expose me to your crappy choices.

Now, many of you aren't aware of this, but the police do a variety of "stings" to try and bust convenience stores who are selling alcohol and tobacco to minors. Last night, I was the target of one such sting. Kid tried to buy beer and showed me his ID...even though he wasn't 21. I looked at it and told him No Way. He threw a mini tantrum and stormed out of the store. Pretty common occurrence so it didn't even register with me. Next thing I know there is a gentleman at the counter telling me he is with the JoCo Sheriff's office. Now it must be the influence of my co-workers, but my first thought was "oh shit, what did I do?!?!?" He proceeded to tell me that the kid who just left was not 21 and that I "did a great service in helping the future of the children of JoCo by not selling him beer."

Really? I think a 6-pack of Bud is the least of our worries based on some of the things I see. And I told him as much. He laughed, I'm sure thinking that I was kidding, and gave me a lovely pre-printed thank you note...complete with his badge number and left. Very anti-climactic.

So I called manager and you'd have thought I just told him that he was going to have 47 virgins delivered to his home, all carrying a Wii and new video game. He was yelling and clapping and going over board. Dear Lord. If that gets you that worked up, I'm completely sure that you need to branch out in your life. I was doing my job. Period.

Customer of the Night
This is a throw back to last week, but I have to share. My friend, Travel Girl, came down to visit while RockStar practice was going on at her house. We were hanging out and in walks this group of kids and I tell you, this one was a sight. First of all, sweet kid but you could tell that his family tree was more of a stump. No branching. No forks. I mean, he had that look that might have scared the guys from Deliverance.

Let me explain. He was a tall kid, and rather beanpole like. Dressed very country, which is fine. He had a, well, let's call it a long face with ears that were even, if not slightly below his mouth. Look in a mirror. You'll understand how that was disturbing. He talked with a bit of a lisp and was trying to buy some chew without his license. He was a trainwreck, and the look exchanged between Travel Girl and I was priceless when he walked in.

Folks, please remember that a family reunion is not a real time version of E-Harmony. You aren't supposed to date or mate with the people that you are related to. I know that this is common practice among royalty but have you ever stopped to think that most of the monarchy's are gone. And if you have other doubts take a look at Prince Charles -- inbreeding is never a good choice.


  1. BWAHAHAHA. I giggle on your blog a lot, but I don't think I've commented before. It's amazing the number of idiots out there, and the fact that they continue to breed (and inbreed) is frightening!

  2. Wow...a printed thank-you note and a teary-eyed manager because you didn't sell beer to a minor? JoCo needs to raise its standards.