Monday, September 21, 2009

Return of the Murse

Happy Monday! I know it wasn't a full moon this weekend but man were people GRUMPY. Everything seemed to make them mad -- from the strong coffee to crooked receipts (seriously, the tape was loaded wrong and receipts weren't centered and it pushed a woman over the edge last night). People were on edge.

Here's an example: We had a couple of pump issues on Sunday and it set a customer off. So much so that he felt compelled to come in and tell us that we had lost his business rather than go to another pump. We apologized for the inconvenience and asked him to give us another shot. He declined, to say the least, and stormed out of the store. Fast-forward 30 minutes and Mr. Personality comes back to show us the receipt from the other station he went to...proving that we lost his business. Really? Why would you do that? I'm guessing the only decision this guy gets to make at home is mustard or ketchup on his burger...and both probably aren't allowed!

All-in-all, the weekend was fairly uneventful and drug by at a snails pace, with the exception of a visit from the newly homeless Stoner. You heard it right folks, Stoner is living in the Ford Bronco again after getting the boot from his girl. Evidently, she dumped him and kicked him out of the apartment just because he didn't have a job. When i pressed on this, he admitted that they had also gotten in a big fight because he wanted her to "bang" this guy so he could get some pot and X, but he didn't think that had anything to do with their break-up.

Really Stoner? NOTHING to do with your break-up? How could that girl be so unreasonable. I think we might just change Stoner's name to Statistic. Ugh.

Speaking of pot and X, there have been a rash of customers that were regulars when I first started that have "re-emerged" of late. All are asking for Stoner or Goldie. Which is fine, but they keep bringing up that one or the other asked them if they'd like to buy some -- insert drug here. The list of possible purchases were mind boggling. Now, I know that they are asking this to see if I volunteer to "hook them up," but that's ballsy.

They are also coming in and asking "what's free today?" Nothing ass-clown. That is why people got fired (in part). Nothing is free. Not today. Not ever. Their response...Not even beef jerky? No. What part of NOTHING don't you get brain surgeon. Now take your Swisher Sweet and run along pot head.

Customer of the Weekend
Finally, the customer of the weekend goes to not a person, but an item...the murse. For those of you not familiar with the murse (man-purse), you should make a little trip to the Jo, because it has become a VERY popular item. I spotted no fewer than 20 murses this weekend. From the gymbag as murse, to the legitimate murse complete with phone and sun glass pouch on the front, they were out in full swing this weekend. I guess with the popularity of skinny jeans on men on the rise, there just isn't room in the pockets. And with no pocket availability -- a man only has one avenue to turn to.

The funniest was when a guy came in with his very trendy murse that matched his shirt and one of our more "rural" regulars was in the store. Murse-Man dug out his money, even making a very girl like comment about "never finding a thing in this bag", clearly treating his bag like a true purse. Our regular, unable to control himself, asked Murse-Man, "Son, are you carrying a purse?" Murse-Man turned red, his GIRLFRIEND (cause i knew some of you were wondering) died laughing and told him "I told you they hadn't caught on here yet." To that point...I hope they never do!

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