Monday, September 7, 2009

Labor Day Weekend Overview

Happy Labor Day readers. I worked all weekend, so since I gave you a bonus posting on Friday I thought I'd take a little break from the old blog for a couple of days. You needed to spend time with friends, family and a bbq grill instead of reading this rag anyway.

Friday I posted a little ditty about how you'd know if you're a douchebag. Well, Saturday night I encountered the King of the Douchebags. You could tell by his bad breath and short-sleeve polyester dress shirt and tie. Seriously, he looked like the jack-ass boss off of Office Space only about 20 years older.

Now, let me preface this by stating the we id everyone. Even if I've seen your id before, i still need your birthday to enter into our system to actually make a sale. If i don't I could get a $2000 fine. I don't make the kind of money at this little jewel of a c-store to handle a fine like that.

So, Douchebag King comes in Saturday night, bought 4 packs of Kools and a one liter of Mt. Dew. I could tell he was over 18 by a long shot, so I asked him what is birthday is. The exchange went something like this:

King: Why, you going to send me a f*%king birthday card?

ME: No sir, I have to see and id or enter a birthday to make a tobacco or alcohol sale.

King: I come in here every day and buy this exact same thing and you're the only bitch to ask me for my id.

ME: I'm sorry sir, I don't know what other people do, I only know the rules I have to follow...and I need to see an id.

(now here comes the good part)

King:Well here's my birthday you ignorant c*#t. You should know that you just lost a f*&king customer because I won't be treated this way. I paid more in taxes last week than you're dumb ass makes in a year and you want to id me? My tax dollars are probably paying for your ignorant c*#t ass to have food stamps and welfare, and health care for the 5 or 6 half n*#$er kids you have. F*&k you bitch. (exit in a fit of rage)

Now, looking back on this, I'm sure that he has a serious amount of anger built up and I was simply a convenient target. Then, I just stood there in shock. You no-talent ass-clown.

You assume, that because I'm working in a convenience store that I'm stupid. Nice, I have a well-earned degree and have even been invited to speak to students.

You should also know that if you would quit calling women c*#ts, you might get to actually have sex. I bet that would help ease some of that obvious stress that you're dealing with. Oh, and maybe cutting back on the bad Kool habit you have might make you a bit more appealing as well.

Secondly, I'm pretty sure that you're not paying enough in taxes to match what I made last year. And if you are, just a little tip -- trade in that 2003 Honda Accord and upgrade the damn wardrobe. If you make that much money, there is no excuse for your clothing or vehicle choice. Also, if you make that much money and are still that angry, you might want to look at a career change.

Finally, your tax dollars don't pay jack-shit for me. I'm working two jobs and building a business. I'm here so that I can cover my own ass without the help of others. I haven't had health insurance in more than a year, I buy my own groceries and have no children -- I worked to much the first 15 years of my adult life to find a husband to have a family with.

You smoke fueled, caffeine driven fool are the King of the Douchebags and should not be allowed in public. In fact, it's probably a good thing that you are so angry, smelly and poorly dressed, I'd hate for you to mate and litter the world with more little bastards that act like you.

The moral of the story, be kind to folks who ask for your id.


  1. That had to be the ultimate display of douchebaggery. I can't believe that people actually act like that. You are a bigger person than I for not calling in his tag number to the cops with a report that he drove off without paying for gas or something like that!!

  2. Wow. It kills me that people treat other people like that. Wow. Just, wow.