Monday, August 24, 2009

My coworker Pro-Loft

I work with a lovely young lady that we'll call Pro-Loft for the sake of this blog. You can probably guess by my first post what the name Pro-Loft means.

Pro-Loft is really a sweet girl that has just had a rough lot in life. She wants to get paid, but she's really not into "working that hard." Which will probably keep Pro-Loft where she is in life.

Last night a young mom came in with the sweetest little one, which put Pro-Loft and I on a long discussion about children, parenthood and the accidential pregnancy problem.

This conversation started when the young mom left and Pro-Loft announced loudly that children were disgusting, nasty little monsters that were painful to be around. She went on to explain that it was because that they started out like aliens -- alive but without breathing oxygen. WTF?

So I bit and asked her what she meant by "not breathing oxygen." She proceeded to explain to me, like i was stupid, that they are alive in the womb but not breathing oxygen and that was just F'd up. She then went on a long tirade about how there was nothing "beautiful" about pregnancy, that it was disgusting and made you look like a beached whale.

This Ode to Dispising all things pregnancy and child went on for a good fifteen minutes, including such legendary comments as:

  • Parents should have the right to sterlize their children if they'd like.
  • Babies shouldn't be taken out in public until they can go without crapping themselves.
  • We shouldn't have to see pregnant women...there should be someplace that they are kept until the alien comes out.
  • (And my personal favorite) Anyone who isn't married who is trying to have a baby should be killed...we don't need that crap in this country.

I was too enthralled by her logic to laugh, when the damn finally broke with this one simple comment.

"I'm sure I'll feel differently about my own children when I have them and they behave like I want them too."


You need mental help, an adjustment in your medication and a good slap upside the head not a baby. Christ on Crutches she's crazy!

Now, I feel that I need to let you know that Pro-Loft, and all of the "kids" that I work with have been born and raised in Johnson County and are products of the Jo public school system. I also feel that i'd be remiss in pointing out that Johnson County has been selected as one of the top 10 places to raise a child in the country.

Evidently the selection committee didn't meet Pro-Loft.


  1. hahaha. I love this! You are a great writer. You'll have to email your location and let me know when you're there...I suspect it's close to mi casa. I can come in, drink some MD, and we can catch up. Then I'll go sit in my car and stare. haha.

  2. BBBWWAAAHHHH! That made me laugh so hard - man, I always knew these little fellas started as aliens! What does that make me, though? LOL! Hope you're doing well!

  3. Scary isn't it? And these people are allowed to walk our streets without escort!

  4. Seriously, there is a book deal just wiaitng for you...

  5. ok i can spell waiting...I promise!